Hello blog! So the topic for today is dreams and passion and the pressure of having one. In a world where everyone is constantly fighting to earn their identity and chase their dreams, here I am with no dream or purpose. You watch these videos on social media or read about motivational journeys of successful people. I can’t help but envy those people because they know what they want and it makes me think of how my life has no purpose. It feels like everyone around me has a plan except me. I feel like an outcast in my own life.

So, in this fast pacing world, how important it is to have a dream? They say “Dream big or go home”. All the motivational books about success has one thing in common- Follow your passion and success will chase you. But, what about people like me who have none. I am tired of forcing myself into thinking what am I really good at which can eventually turn into a career. The answer is – I don’t know. Infact, my dream is to have at least one dream or passion that I can chase.

I have pondered upon this for so long that now I honestly have no energy to stress over it. Maybe, it is okay to not have a specific dream or passion. Blessed are those who have one but sometimes life can be crooked or rather unique in its own way. I am sure there are few other people like me out there. It might make you feel worthless, hopeless and angry but what good is it doing to us? It is only a wastage of time to obsess over something that makes you feel like shit. So, I have promised myself that from now on I won’t stress over it. Life is full of unplanned possibilities. I just want to go with the flow and live in the present rather than constantly worrying about my future

Some people are not even blessed enough to have choices in life cause they are busy making ends meet. So, let’s not throw away all the 90% of good things in our life just because we are too busy obsessing over the 10% of the bad stuffs happening in our lives. I recently came across a quote “Our main business is not to see what lies dimly at a distance, but to do what lies clearly at hand”.

Lets not focus on things that are yet to happen that we forget to live and appreciate the small things that we are blessed with like your good health, food, love, family, comfort, and many more. Having spent the last year in utter frustration, stress, hopelessness and insecurity . Let me tell you it doesnt do you any good. It rather makes you feel like a horrible and selfish person . I want to be a better version of myself. But more importantly I am learning to love myself and live my life . There are times when I still feel insecure, scarred, and hopeless. Everytime I feel like that , I just pray to God and ask for strength and wisdom. My battle is with my own inner voice that tells me I am not worthy or talented enough to survive in this world.

I will fight my demon one at a time but in the meanwhile lets not forget to be grateful, kind and happy. “Carpe Diem”- let’s seize the moment and live in the present. For instance, I am going back to college after taking a year break for my mental health and finally finish my masters degree even though i have no idea if I belong in my department. Nevertheless i have no plan right now so maybe the practical thing to do is finish what i started at least for the sake of my parents. Wish me luck.

Hello blog! I don’t know how to begin with so I am going to pretend that my blog is a diary form now on, it makes it less awkward. I read that humans get almost 30,000 approx. thoughts per day which is a lot and thus, I am really sorry in advance for using this as a platform to release my insignificant thoughts(not that anyone really cares or will be reading my blog ).

I have been an introvert all my life and believe me being a shy or rather an eccentric kid in a family full of extrovert people is harder than you can imagine. I grew up feeling inferior to my siblings and partly, jealous too because of how easily they could socialise and mingle in any situation. I started feeling like something was wrong with me . Whenever there would be any family event , I would dread for that day weeks before it even happened. I had no idea how to start a conversation or greet any person. Infact I would get so nervous that my hands gets all sweaty and i would get overly conscious of my body movements. I just wanted to get out of that situation . Then, as i grew up I came across the terms Introvert and socially anxiety. And guess what I have both. It has almost been around 5 years that I stopped attending any social or family event/gathering.

There is a common misconception with people as they believe that introvert people are arrogant and ignorant. I don’t know about others, but as I speak for myself I would actually love to get some qualities of extrovert people such as their ability to socialize, meet new people and make friends with so much ease. In Fact it took me so long to make real friends in school. I still can’t imagine how desperate I used to be back in school inorder to be liked by people because i hated eating alone during lunch. The only friend I had was my cousin sis who also had her own friends circle so that didn’t help. Only God knows how hard I tried to be funny, pretty and talkative so that other girls would want to be my friends(ps- I studied in a catholic school). If I could go back in time, I would tell my old and younger self to not try so hard and to learn to accept myself instead of pretending to be someone else.

Though it took a long time but I have finally realised that we can never change who we are. There is only one life and i don’t want to waste it by living my life trying to please other people and wanting them to like me. As long as I love and accept myself with all my flaws, insecurities and imperfections, what other people think about you really doesn’t matter or define who I am as a person.

So, i want to always remind myself or anyone who has faced the same issue and has been misunderstood on various occasions because of their eccentricity and poor social skills, that you are perfect or rather enough the way you are. It is okay if you have to mentally create a fake scenario before attending any family or social event. It is okay if you have lied several times to avoid any event. It is also completed normal if you need to recharge the next day after attending any social event(It is a must for me). But now I have stopped lying about it , rather I straight up confess that I don’t want to go even if it might hurt the other person. Instead of feeling left out, awkward and uncomfortable , I would rather skip any social event. You can call me selfish but In my own life, I want to make myself the first priority . Learning to say that I am not okay and comfortable relieved me of feeling guilty about lying in the past few years .

People don’t talk about it much but social anxiety is real. So, next time before forcing an introvert person to attend any social event, make sure to ask them if they are comfortable. Because , believe me it is not easy declining our friends or families invitation because the guilt that we feel after hurting them is unreal and painful to us too. It is not that we don’t love them but it is important to understand that every person is different .So, if you really care about them, It is very important to listen to their side of the story and accept them with all their flaws and oddities.

Thus Introvert is the new arrogance or normal? It depends on how you perceive it. Goodbye blog.